Ya know what I hate? Those mother fuckin’ records! Those goddamn lazy records come to this country and don’t speak good English, and steal all the jobs from the real Americans. Well I think it’s time to say “Fuck y’all fuckin’ records. Stop stealing our welfare money and our women and our freedom and get yourself a mother fuckin’ job.” Please join us in making records do something for once. Follow these simple steps you’ll be able use them just like us do.
Materials needed
• Records
• Bowls
• Oven
• Printer
• Paper
• Scissors
• Glue

Step 1:

Preheat the oven to about 200-250°

Step 2:

Place the record on top of the bowl as shown in the picture.

Step 3:

Place it in the oven for 5 – 10 minutes. After a couple or a possibly even a few minutes it should look something like this.

Step 4:

Take it out and immediately start to mold it to your liking, it shouldn’t be too hot. You should receive light 1st degree burns on your finger tips, if your skin blisters simply dip your fingers in salt for a couple minutes.

If you have two of the same shaped bowls you can press the bowl down on top of the other, this method produces the best results in my opinion.

Step 5:

Let it cool for 10 minutes.

Step 6:

Click on your favorite backseat kiss record label cover and print that mother fuck out!

Step 7:

Cut the label out, carefully following the outer edge of the circle.

Step 8:

With a glue stick, glue the backside of the label (the white side) and carefully place it on the bottom of the bowl.

Uses:

Cereal bowl – Makes a great cereal bowl, obviously.



Collecting Firewood – Ideally shaped for collecting firewood.



Collecting Abalone Shells – Don’t pass up those beautiful abalone shells while you’re out gathering firewood.



Dog Helmet – Makes a great dog motor cycle helmet.
(Caution: Helmet provides no protection whatsoever. Helmet is meant simply to boost dog’s self confidence in his appearance.)



Lamp Shade – The lighting will always be just right, just right for MAKING OUT!!! OWWW!!!
(Caution: Record is extremely flammable and is not intended to be used while lamp is plugged in.)



Hamster Cage – Low income hamster housing. Sure the little guy doesn’t have the most glamorous of luxuries such as food or water, but he can at least poke out his little head and watch his wife and children move on with their lives just beyond his reach.