Are you tired of having abortion after abortion? I know I am. That’s why the Backseat Kiss is introducing the new birth control supplying Hobot! The Hobot makes a perfect female companion to your boyfriend’s condom dispensing Prophylactic Tactic Lovebot. Who doesn’t want to keep their unwanted pregnancies to the bare minimum? Cmon, it’s time to take Planned Parenthood off speed dial.

Materials needed

  • Small hollow wooden box (with hinge)
  • Some wood scraps
  • Spray paint (silver/chrome)
  • Wood shapes (heart and circles)
  • Standard wood glue
  • Artificial eyelashes
  • 2 bottles acrylic paint (red and black)
    And for putting it to into action after you’ve completed your HObot…
  • Scented candles
  • Lotions/ointments
  • Sexy jumpsuit (preferably swooshy material)
  • Potential mate with low enough self esteem to find you attractive
  • Plenty of make out music
  • Plenty of hard liquor (just in case your date doesn’t have low enough self esteem)
  • Chicken wire and a squirrel mask


Step 1:

Measure your robots body parts. Just reckon proportionate size arms, legs, and head for the size box you bought.

Here are the measurements we used:

• Box (body): 5” x 3”
• Arms: 3” x 1/2”
• Legs: 3 ¼” x ¾ “
• Head: 2 ¾” x 1 ¾”
• Neck: 1 ½” x ½”
• Boobies: Feel free to make your Hobot as busty as you wish her to be.

Step 2:

Cut out shapes using a small saw.

•Avoid cutting yourself if possible, but if you must - try not to cut through the bone.
*Remember: Being crafty is sexy, bleeding is not.

Step 3:

Now that you have all the pieces cut out, align your pieces and see that your Lovebots are beginning to take shape. Using the wood glue put your pieces together. (It may take about an hour or so for the glue to dry.)

While the glue is drying now is the time to make arrangements for putting the Hobot to good use. For example:

Get back in touch with that guy who used to send you all those inappropriate emails. You told all your friends that he creeped you out, but admit it, you were always a little tickled. You always blew him off but this is your chance to make it up to him. Maybe he’s out on bail or even a free man by now. Maybe you two love birds could meet up and split a bowl of chili at Wendy’s. And if Dave Thomas’ Chili is as much of an aphrodisiac for you as it is for me then you two will be out in his Pontiac Grand Prix for a little backseat lovin’ in no time.


Step 4:
Go outside and spray paint those little fornicators. Make sure you’ve got enough paint to cover up those boobs of hers.


Step 5
Now it’s time for the finishing touches. Paint the eyes black and the heart red. For the Hobot apply fake eyelashes, a sexy little top, and matching skirt. You can give the Hobot a nice classy touch by throwing on a pair of skimpy thong underwear underneath that skirt.

Step 6
Fill your lovebots with your naughty little goodies.

   
Now you have two little lovebots to have and to hold…your dirty little secrets in.
When used correctly, and frequently, the Hobot birth control supplying Lovebot can cut your unwanted pregnancies to as few as 6 a year! So have no reservations when it comes to asking that old flame of yours to meet up for that bowl of chili.

But if your true love isn’t waiting for you outside in the bushes don’t fear, there are still plenty of uses for the Hobot birth control supplying Lovebot.

For example you can use your Hobot to:

Store extra top ramen salt packets - Hold on to those, you’re gonna want ‘em later this year when the all salt no vitamin diet gets big.



Recycle bin - Because classy malt liquor deserves a classy recycle bin.



Store your favorite pair of mom jeans - Wearing those nice high-rise acid washed mom jeans actually works better than most forms of birth control.



Store pornography back-up disk - Tuck that border line legal pornography safely away and out of reach of any federal agents.



Litter box - Now that you've just created a piece of shit, Donatello is gonna do the same.